Mishmash! aka mashing together a bunch of mishes.

Mishmash...my new word as of late.  I will try not to ramble on endlessly here!

So firstly, I'm not making any resolutions per se, but I have embarked on a journey to lose my addiction to food, and my various eating disorders.  I think I've had them all in the past, except for bulimia.  (I could never bring myself to do that!)

I am on day 4 of an online program.  It is a Bible study, and it is to help me learn how to stop the sin of gluttony, and idol worship (self-worship, self-image, using food in the place of God).  It teaches how to turn that reliance to God and give Him all glory and worship.  It's free, and they assign a mentor to you who reads your responses and helps you and prays for you.  You can also sign up people you know to be your accountability partners, so they would also receive your responses.  It is a 60 day course, and it's free!  The website is called Setting Captives Free.  They have courses for all kinds of addictions, from gambling, pornography, alcohol, etc.  I am doing the food one: The Lord's Table.  I am done with myself, and I want to fill myself with the Lord.

On the home education front: well, I've done my unschooling experiment.  I have come back to the idea of discipleship.  We live life with our kids.  They learn from us (Darren and I) through practical ways, and from day to day things.  We are also being more intientional in what we study.  I am doing a very thorough Bible study with the kids and we love it so far.  Elijah is so excited to have his own Bible.  Both kids love looking up the required Scripture in their Bibles, highlighting the passages, and taking turns reading them out loud.  (You know like a real, grown up Bible study lol).  We each have a different translation, so it can be a bit hard to follow along.  It would be so easy to have us each just find the passage on our laptops, but the boys don't want to do it that way, and I think it's great to do it the "old fashioned" way.  This way, they are really getting to know their Bibles.  The study also covers history and geography, reading, writing, art and following instructions.  I am quite pleased with it.  It also takes over an hour to do, so by the time we're finished, our brains are pretty much done with the formal stuff for the day.  If you're interested, here is the website, but I ordered it from here.  It is also good for Sunday school, if anyone has aspirations to teach a class.

We also are doing a fun science program, but we do it when we feel like it.  I throw in weekly verses for memorisation, and we read stories related to them on Keys for Kids.  I've mention KFKs before.  We love love love the stories.  They are very short too.  We practice writing out the week's verse daily too.  That's about it for formal stuff.  I am not doing any formal math at this time, as I really don't see the need for it yet.  (Although Logan was playing "School" today and he taught math from his math workbooks...irony?) (He's going to be nine in 9 days!)

Darren has been studying Stephen Covey's book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.  He has used it for work and the Cold Lake First Nations has big plans to make some big changes, based on the ideas.  We are also implementing them in our own family.  Right now, our living room wall has a huge banner on it filled with our plans and visions.  The kids got right into it, but I had so much trouble.  I am really struggling with seeing very far into the future.  Truth be told, I never thought I'd still be around at this point!  But I'm working on it.

2011 saw many changes in our lives.  A new town, new job, new church, family members (not my side) doing things that affected us in huge ways.  I thought I was going to go crazy for awhile, but God saw me through.  I won't get into the details here, but next time you see me, ask me about it...we'll go for coffee.

Lastly, in the past year, we decided that we are ready to expand our family.  It's been several months of paperwork, tears (mine), discussions, home assessments, more paperwork, delays, roller coaster rides, hopes soaring, only to be dashed (did I mention I thought I was going to go crazy?), spilling out our entire private life's story to strangers who get to decide whether we are fit to adopt, and um, I forget what else...all in preparation to adopt a child.  We are now officially waiting to be matched with a child!  We could be waiting for a very long time (we'd like an infant, but are open to up to 3 years of age).  Or it could happen quickly, we don't know.  We are doing this through public domestic adoption, which means the child will be a ward of the province.  This way is free..as opposed to going through a private agency.  But there are less babies, and they come with any variety of special needs.  So, now we wait.  We pray, and trust God.  I have to remember to keep living a normal life in the meantime!

Well, I wrote a novel again here, sorry!

Christmas again...

I just came across this article...it's worth reading.  It does give some good reasons why Christians should celebrate Christmas.  I guess my thing is that the Bible does not command us to set aside a specific time to celebrate the birth of the Messaiah.  We should celebrate every day. 

http://www.answersingenesis.org/articles/2010/12/28/miscellaneous-misconceptions-about-christmas

Anyhoo, I am sitting in my parents' living room right now, surrounded by family.  The kids are watching a Flinstones Christmas special.  They are so cute.  I am loving it.  But the Christ's birth is (as far as I can tell) not on their minds.  Presents, cookies, and sparkly trees are.  That's cool.

Bah Humbug (continued from last year)

Someone on one of my Christian Facebook groups asked if others celebrate Christmas.  It started a civilised debate.  It is something that's been on my mind for a few years now.

In the Christian world, there a some who don't do Christmas because they claim it comes from Pagan roots.  Others (I'm one of them) are disgusted by the commercialism.  Some pick and choose aspects of the holiday that they like or that they feel have meaning. All those are fine.  I've studied a bit about the Pagan aspect, and mostly what I found is that no one can agree on anything about it.  Anyway, that's not my beef with Christmas.

While I agree that it's nice to celebrate the birth of our Saviour, we all know December 25th isn't His birthday.  But that's not important.

Christmas is a tradition.  It's not Biblical.  I don't feel convicted to celebrate it
(in the traditional/religious sense).  I love getting together with family.  I love singing the carols.  I love reflecting on the birth of Jesus (but I reflect on His birth all year long).  I love watching my kids and nieces open their presents.  But for me, Christmas is not a holy day.  There.  I said it.  If the Holy Spirit later convicts me to celebrate it as a holy day, I will.  But until then: "One man considers one day more sacred than another; another man considers every day alike. Each one should be fully convinced in his own mind."  Romans 14:5 


Huh.  It seems I've gone on a rant about this before, only it was about Easter.  I stand by my former statements! LOL

All Done

All my life I've been pretending.  Is this something everyone does, just some people, or is it just me?  I don't know, but I'm done.  Do you know what I spend a lot of time (too much time) doing?  Reading about other people's version of the ideal wife/mother/Christian/woman.  I love reading about how other people do things, but I am getting exhausted and discouraged.

I am a phony a lot of the time.  I take an idea, and I act it out.  But ultimately I fail, and then I fall into despair.  I don't want to pretend anymore.

For example, family dinners.  I always hear/read about how important it is to sit down to a family meal, at least what, 3 times a week.  I agree with that for "other" people, but you know what?  That's not our family.  For one thing, I spend 24 hours a day with my kids.  My husband, when he's not at work, is usually home with us.  We do extra curricular things together.  We honestly don't need to set aside special time (like meal time) to spend together.

I have been struggling to make us eat dinner together because it's what we're "supposed" to do.  I don't like cooking; it stresses me out because I worry about what to make, especially for my husband.  Then, when someone is too busy, too full, or just doesn't want to eat what I've prepared, my feelings are crushed, and I feel like a failure.  So, I'm done.  I'm done stressing about it.  I'm going to continue making meals, b/c it is my job as the stay-at-home parent, but I'm not going to feel bad if we don't all eat together, the way we're "supposed" to.  You know what?  Most nights, we do eat together.  But I'm changing my attitude about it.  (Plus, I have always liked to have my nose in a book at the table, so now I am giving myself permission to do so when no one else minds).

Ephesians 4:14 says:

This is so we would no longer be people who are under age.
When winds of instruction and training blow this way and that, we would not be carried to and fro on the waves. We would not be tossed about at  sea by the sleight of hand and schemes of people, and we would not be driven off course by people’s plots and schemes.

I know that doesn't strictly refer to my situation, as it's talking more about false teachings, but I often do feel like I'm being tossed about on the waves.  I get caught up in man's ideals, and man can't seem to agree on much.  I also, sinfully, have a strong fear of man, rather than a fear of God.  I don't want to care what people think anymore.  I want to focus on what God wants me to do.

It is a painful process, but God is slowly transforming me.  It is hard to let go of the world, and what it says I should be doing.  My husband is going through a similar transformation.  I'm excited to see what God is going to make of us.

I had more to say, but my train of thought is getting derailed.  My biggest prayer right now is that I don't get stuck in a rut of doing nothing at all while I let go of the  world and its ideas.  Christ said to love Him and to love our neighbours.  That's it...simple, but so hard to do!

Why is this scary? I'm so silly.

This is our living room most days: pets and toys everywhere, Audio story CD playing in the background.

I just had a meeting with the boys.  We are going to embrace Unschooling for a month.  We will reconvene in a month and discuss what worked and what didn't.  I am not going to assign any lessons.  We will learn as we are led.  I will continue to read aloud, and we will continue to do devotions.  I no longer require them to write in cursive.  They can both read and write cursive...that is enough.  (I print everything in manuscript myself.  I hated cursive as a kid, and stopped using it as soon as I was allowed to.)  They can choose how they want to write.

We are not going to use our workboxes either (we used them to assign lessons and chores).  Although EJ likes being assigned his chores via the drawers, Logan would rather me just tell him what to do.  I pointed out that I would like them to learn to look around and see what needs to be done and do it, w/o me telling them what to do.  We'll see how long I can go without nagging!

I have to do it like this...it's the only way I can give myself "permission" to unchool.  Darren is actually becoming more of a "radical unschooler"... he's ahead of me in this.  I'm the last one in this family who is holding on to the "school system".  I am going to take this month (and longer if needed) to focus on whole-heartedly deschooling myself.

Someone posted this article and it made me cry with relief.  I am not the only one who keeps going back and forth! It says:

Do you vacillate between child-led, developmentally appropriate, interest-initiated unschooling on one hand, and traditional, structured, academic-based education on the other? These mood-altering swings in methodology creep up unexpectedly on homeschooling parents and are often exacerbated by events beyond their control. I know. I am recovering from homeschool split-personality disorder.

Edited to add: The boys just asked to learn how to cook.  I HATE cooking.  So if I teach them to do it...guess what?  Yay!  So, the first thing they want to make are cookies.  I was hoping they'd cook supper, but we gotta start somewhere!

Wow

I read this article, and I thought it was about me!  Her description of life with her 2 boys is eerily similar to mine.  She even describes how she cuts her own hair to avoid the small-talk at the salon.  (That's what I do!!!  Crazy, yes, but yay!  I'm not the only one!!)  So, if you want to understand how my brain works, read this:

 http://hippiehousewife.blogspot.com/2011/05/mothering-as-introvert.html

I will definitively be following this blog.

The Joys of JumpStart

Today, at the library, the kids were playing on their computer.  They were playing an old JumpStart game (which we have on a CD-Rom somewhere).  When we got home, they asked if we could play the JumpStart 3D game we used to have.  After much frustration (their website seems so confusing), I renewed our membership (for life), and downloaded the game Jumpstart 3D ages 6-8.  It takes place in the same setting (Camp JumpStart), but it has harder learning games, and harder missions.  You can also play in the online 3D virtual world, but the kids prefer the Camp Jumpstart games.

Anyhoo, Logan played it for 3 hours straight, with his brother's help.  I had forgotten how much they learn on there!  They were learning grammar, math, reading comprehension, problem-solving, ethics and moral values, narration and storytelling, etc.  The only things it doesn't cover are penmanship, history and Biblical studies.

This crazy game covers everything that our various curricula covers.  I can get rid of the stuffy grammar book (A Beka), I can cancel our online reading/math program (Smart Tutor), and I can throw away the tiresome math workbooks (which the kids find too easy and boring anyway).

One hurdle that I am trying to get past is the ability to let go of curricula that we don't use.  I hate to let it "go to waste".  But how much time is wasted when I force us to do things we hate or that aren't working for us anymore?  All they learn when we do that is to hate learning.  I hear that this is a common problem for home educators: letting go of curricula that does not work.  So at least I'm "normal".  Don't buy too much!!  The internet and the library have enough free resources to keep you going for a long time.  I get emails from websites that are devoted to free educational resources.  Their purpose is to do home-based learning for free.  I've used many of their links.

I have a beautiful Mystery of History (MOH) book, (MOH is a Biblically-based 4 year world history program) but we haven't opened it in a year.  My kids learn history and the Bible by listening to the MOH, Story of the World (4 year world history curriculum) and the Bible on cds at night.  They can quote more Scripture than me or talk about how many letters are in the Sumerian alphabet (cuneiform), all from listening to the cds as they drift off to sleep.  How cool is that?  (I am also told things that I had no idea about, so I learn something new every day).  So if anyone wants the MOH book, let me know.  It's an awesome multi-age curriculum, but we just don't use it.

All this to say, I am slowly getting rid of my ideas that we need "formal" curricula in order to learn.  I am still deschooling myself.  Some people don't like the idea of their kids using computers a lot (or even at all), but we're cool with it here.  I do recommend that you get a good internet filter though.  Also, I am always in the vicinity when my kids are online.

My take on Workboxes

A couple of years ago, Sue Patrick wrote a book about her Workbox System for home-educating.  (I've never read the book).  The blogosphere blew up and everyone and their dog started writing about how they've adopted and adapted her System.  Many of them never read the book either.  You don't need to read the book, but if you Google workboxes, you'll get ideas from all over the place.

These are our "Workboxes"

I wasn't going to write about how we've adapted the system, but here I am anyway.  We started using them 7 months ago.  They've been great in helping us keep organised.  We use drawers rather than the prescribed plastic shoebox method.  And we don't use charts and stickers and all of the other things that some sophisticated moms use.  Sometimes we put toys or games or snacks in the drawers.  Sometimes the boys fill each other's.

Well, we haven't been using them much lately b/c we've been doing less formal stuff.  I had the boys brainstorm and come up with ideas on how they want their days to look.  What do they want to learn about, and how do they want to learn it?  Places they'd like to go to, and things they don't like doing.  I've been trying to be more unschooly,  so I wanted their input.  Surprisingly, they wanted to keep doing many of the "lessons", books, workbooks and online curricula we've been using.  Some of the things they wanted to stop, either b/c they were too easy or too hard.  I've been reading so much about unschooling lately, that I assumed the kids would want to just do everything freestyle (which most of their day is anyway...with a smattering of "schoolish" things).  Turns out they like doing that stuff, for the most part (except when I get impatient and they get frustrated).

My goal is for the kids to be self-motivated learners.  I want them to learn stuff b/c they want to, or need to, but not so much b/c I've told them they have to.  We decided to use our boxes (drawers) as a sort of 3D task list.  Every night, I fill their boxes with their assignments and needed books, and chores.  Drawer 1 might have a spelling book, Drawer 2 might say "Clean litter box", Drawer 3 might say "go do Camp Be-Yon-Key" (http://itoadu.com/  AWESOME online Bible study for kids)  I throw special snacks into one of the drawers too.  As they complete a drawer, the contents (books or task notes) get put into a basket, where I sort, check and reassign for the next day.

The rule is: All drawers must be completed by 4pm.  They can do them in any order they want.  I will be available to help whenever.  The bottom drawer is filled with suggestions (build a Lego ship, do a puzzle, work in your art book, play Mario Kart with mom, play a game with your brother, etc.) for them to pick and choose anytime they're bored and need ideas for something to do.  The rest of their time is theirs.  They are responsible for scheduling their tasks.  If we have an outing planned for the day, I'll help them with their planning.  If necessary, we'll skip the drawers for the day.  Anyhoo, the boys came up with most of this, so we'll try it out and see how it goes.  If we want to be more unschooly, I can put less things in the drawers.  We still do a lot of reading aloud (usually mom reads, and the boys play/build on the floor), and we do our Bible devotions together too.  The morning seems to work best for us, but we do it in the evenings sometimes too.

I found the missing link

When I wrote the previous post about spanking, I had a really great link in mind, but I couldn't find it b/c I had read it a while ago.  Today, someone on Facebook posted a link, which had a link to this link, and I was all excited because I think it explains sooooo much!

Here it is:  http://parentingfreedom.com/discipline/  It has a word study on the proverbs that are always used to promote spanking.  First thing of note: when our English translations say "child" in those verses, they are not talking about young children!  They are referring to young, adolescent males.  Makes a huge difference in how we interpret those verses.  Then there's the actual meaning of the word "rod" in Scripture.  But, I'll let you read the article!

Well, I finally did it.

I apologised to my kids for ever spanking them.  Darren and I have always maintained that we would not spank our kids.  He was greatly abused by his foster parents (It is now illegal for foster parents to use corporal punishment).  I have always felt that there are more effective, empathetic ways to discipline.  So for the first few years as parents, we did not spank.  About 4 years ago, I became a Christian.  As I learned more about the Bible and listened to many many teachers of the Bible, and read many Christian parenting books, I saw a common theme.  They all said that the Bible commands parents to spank their children.

I didn't like that, but as a baby Believer, I didn't know any better.  I started to spank when my kids sinned.  I followed the "Spanking Formula".  I never spanked in anger.  I hated it.  I think I can count on one hand for each kid the number of times I "Biblically Spanked".  I reserved it only for unadmitted lies and blatant disobedience.

My heart was troubled from the get-go on this issue.  I read and researched.  I did my own word-study on the verses that people use to promote spanking as a command from Scripture.  My conclusion (and I am not a Hebrew or Greek scholar, but thankfully there are many resources now to translate for me) was that God does not command parents to spank.  He also does not command us not to.  He commands children  to obey their parents.  (He is speaking to the kids...not the parents!) He commands parents to train and nurture their kids.  He is fairly quiet about parenting.  He uses principles to guide us, but he doesn't specifically tell us how to train and correct.

Many many Bible teachers (who I respect, and still listen to) will disagree with me.  They insist that God commands us to spank our kids.  This is why I've been stuck for so long.  I have finally come to trust my heart in this issue.  I don't trust my heart on a whim.  I have satisfied it (my heart) in all of the research and praying that I've done.  I am not commanded to spank, and I have access to many different parenting tools to train and correct, so I will gladly use them and not feel like I'm disobeying God.  You have to figure out what's right for your own family, but please pray and study.  Look at the original languages of the "spanking/punishment verses".

You can find tons of blogs/articles on this subject.  Here's one that I found useful in dispelling the misunderstood belief that God commands us to hit our kids.

She says:

Christians who come to the conclusion that spanking is not a good parenting tool might find themselves in a quandary as I found myself in. It would be so simple, I think, to be a non-Christian and decide not to spank. One would only have to look at the studies which overwhelmingly show that spanking is an ineffective tool at best and can even be damaging to children, at worst. However, as a Christian, I had to go back to the scriptures and make sure that spanking was not Biblically mandated, as I had always heard that it was.

This is so true for me!  I was in that quandary!  So, after explaining all of this to my kids just now, there were a few quick tears and watery eyes as they remembered past spankings.  Logan told me how angry and embarrassed they had made him.  I apologised and asked forgiveness.  They smiled and said it was the happiest day ever.  (Elijah added, "But we still can't lie or disobey right?"  I love that kid....he's always trying to see where the boundaries are).  Then they said, "We were hoping this would be short so that we could go back down and watch Knowledge Kids."  Ahem, apparently my heartfelt apology and explanations were too long.  Logan said, "we've already forgiven you, can we go now?"